Helpful Ways to Quit Drinking

WaysToQuitDrinkingIt has been 3 years since I had my last drop of alcohol and it has been a wonderful ride.


Since I quit, I started being capable of preparing breakfast every morning for my twins. I’ve got to send them to school and literally just be a mother to them.


In my teens, I was known as the black sheep of the family and never thought that I’d still be one in the family I had soon built.


I was sober for the first year after marriage but maybe from the stresses and pressures, I started seeking refuge from booze and drank my concerns away.


Being a bread winner to an instant two was not easy. My husband couldn’t work that time because he had to take care of the babies and the daycare was quite expensive for us so I had to take on 2-3 jobs in a day.


I would return home very tired, so finding a way to relax, I landed on alcohol.


I was completely innocent that as time went by I started drowning and the occasional refuge has become a vice that later on became an addiction; until one morning I clearly saw how my children looked at me.


I did not get the respect I wanted and the love I needed; so I decided to change for them, most for myself. I sought professional helps but other than that, I had to put in huge personal efforts as well.


These were the things I did that could probably help alcoholics quit drinking:
1.    I talked to my family, especially to my husband that I wanted to quit. I needed a strong support system because I knew that my next journey will be very difficult.

2.    I talked to a doctor. I knew I needed one because of the withdrawal syndrome that will come along my early sober moments.

3.    I got rid of all liquors in the house. And if you think that was easy, no, it was one of the hardest parts! It was like killing the pet you’ve had since childhood.

4.    I stayed away from people who lured me to drinking for obvious reasons.

5.    Finally, I kept my eyes on the goal. I focused and kept remembering why I am doing it and to whom all is for.


All these helped me which I am hoping could help others too.





Understanding Alcoholism

UnderstandingAlcoholismFinally, I came to a point of finding the courage to ask myself if I am already an alcoholic or not. I was in this delusion for so long that I was only an occasional drinker.


I never really bothered looking at myself in the mirror and see the person I have become because I thought that I was still on the right track…or perhaps, I was just too scared to see the odd truth.


I knew I drunk very often but I was just scared to confront myself or ask someone on their opinion about my drinking.


Although I was falling apart, I kept looming on the stage of denial and tried rationalizing to everyone the state I was in on every occasion I did not seem to be myself.


I always pretended I was ok until I found the courage to ask if everything is really still fine with me. I tripped over an article in the net explaining alcoholism and the signs and symptoms associated with it. I went through each cue which opened my eyes completely.


Here are the things I saw myself with that made me realize the real long existing problem I was into.
1.    I obviously had an increasing dose over time. What started to be a glass or a little each time turned out to be a whole bottle a day or even more sometimes.

2.    I was very poor in assuming responsibilities. I was always late for work, if not, completely absent from the long night of drinking.

3.    I drove my car with utmost confidence that I can reach my destination safely even under alcohol influence. Basically, from what I’ve read, alcoholics take in alcohol even if it could endanger their lives.

4.    Although haven’t gone to prison after misbehaving from some (err a lot) drinks, my ex-wife almost did call the cops to supposedly calm me down from mouthing and hitting her on her face. She didn’t call the police but that prompted her to file a divorce and moved out with our then 5 and 7 years old kids.

5.    Despite all that happened, I kept resorting to booze to calm me down and sleep. In the looks of it, I have made drinking a way to relieve stress and relax.


I have been in denial for long alright but did saw myself better from all these different points.


If you have been into alcohol as well and would like to know if you indeed are an alcohol abuser, try to assess yourself using the same points above: check on how you take on your job or daily responsibilities, how often and how much you drink, why you drink and the relationship you have with the people around you especially your family.


Peace, Nukka 🙂

My one last drink…?

OneLastDrinkIn my pyjamas, I decided to be sober tonight. I decided to make this Saturday night different, unlike most of the days when I look like sh*t before I sleep and look even worse when I wake up.


It’s my daughter’s 18th birthday tomorrow and I promised her that this would be my gift.


Being nostalgic due to the big event the following day, I remembered how my 18th was 19 years ago and it wasn’t anything fancy- no cakes, no fancy dress and no grand venue.


Mom had to work in another city that day so I celebrated in a bar with friends, drinking some while singing a lot. I sure had the time of my life! Ah, those days…I thought that all fun is endless, but guess I’m wrong. I can’t exactly remember how my simple occasional drinking turned into an addiction but I do know when I drunk the hardest.


That was when I saw my husband canoodling another woman at work.


At that instant, I just felt that my knees weakened at the same time, mentally tormented trying to find the reason why. From then on, I started drinking to sleep. It’s been five years since I started using alcohol as my sleeping substance. My dosage has kept increasing over time and realized that I can no longer end my day without a glass or glasses of liquor. Now that I abruptly stop drinking, I am feeling this unreasonable anxiety and am starting to shake a bit.


Could this be withdrawal syndrome I am having? This isn’t normal I know especially now that I am seeing this article on Alcohol Withdrawal at I think that what I am feeling right now fits the category. I am actually writing this to divert my attention but I am very much uncertain in keeping the promise I made to my daughter.


I am in deep thoughts right now trying to figure out the next words to write and the next steps to take. I am highly longing for anything alcoholic just to get me by.


I need a sip, just a sip, which I might probably be taking in a bit. Well, I did start full of optimism that I can get through tonight sober; but this time I am starting to think that the optimist a while back is slowly crumbling down. What I do hear from me at this point though is “I need help!”


My life has not been so promising the past years but tomorrow I will make a difference. I will start seeking help as how I have always thought I should.


Love, Nukka


Strength at my Weakest

StrengthInMyWeaknessI am a mom of two, with one who is a successful doctor now and the other one who is no longer with us after dying from a car accident.


Yes, my life is very sad as losing a son is not something easy that a mom can endure, but this is not the only reason why I resorted to drinking.

A couple of years before my eldest son’s death, I and my husband travelled to Japan for a supposed to be a celebration of our 25th year of marriage.


We were happy, I was happy until I innocently browsed through his phone and found endearing messages from an unknown person.


I automatically knew it isn’t one of his friends due to the name she kind of call my husband.


I knew that no one from the friends he had calls him that.


Obviously the two fresh messages were from someone really special. I did not want to ruin the entire vacation so I pretended to know nothing; but I guess the emotions I had that time were very hard to mask.


He would snap at me for deep thinking and staring blankly at him while at certain times he would see me hiding some tears that I said were nothing to be worried about.


When we got back home, I noticed myself just grabbing a bottle of wine to calm myself down. It was something I was not used of doing.


That first sip was followed by many more which I no longer can’t trace how many. He would slam me for being alcoholic without knowing the real cause until the death of our son.


I told him everything and literally just poured out all that I felt. The saddest part was, by then too; he was as well all ready to tell me what he’s been meaning to say for years.


He wanted some time out that I knew exactly would lead to divorce. I was very devastated and all the more got hooked up with drinking.


One day, the only son I was left with took me to a doctor, and then to a counselor then he got me into a rehab program. I realized that I wanted to be better and stop looking miserable especially for my ex-husband.


Although, I no longer wanted him back, I wanted him to see that I can be ok alone but more than that, I wanted me to be happy. I finished the program with a renewed me, in fact, at present, I am building up a group that helps abused women, alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike.

A Quick Walk Through My Alcoholic Life

MyAlcoholicJourneyI had survived a week without booze and thought what an achievement it was.

I worked hard keeping up with the program to keep myself sober and realized that I was alcohol-free for not just a week but weeks and months soon after.

But believe me, getting where I am today has never been a smooth journey.

I was on the 7th grade when my friend had this crazy idea of stealing some of her dad’s Martini and mix it with our original drink- orange juice. All of us friends thought it was a cool thing to do.

No adult was in the house so it was just basically me, some neighborhood friends and my then 5 years old brother. We all drank and played until we all noticed my younger brother vomited several times and was almost passing out.

We all got so scared and ran to the nearest neighbor for help. Things went ok but I was still scolded by my parents of course so that has just become my horrible childhood alcohol memory; which I never expected to have marked the beginning of my infamous journey to the struggles of alcoholism as well.

The thought of my brother who almost died due to wine has actually did not stop me from trying out few more drinks. Everything was a small amount and all for curiosity maybe, up until I went to college and thought I had to drink to fit in. I’d go to bars Wednesdays and Fridays, flaunt some skin on those tiny clothes and drank until I dropped.

There were even times when I wouldn’t have the slightest idea who brought me home and just dumped me on the floor.

The bartenders around the small city I live in mostly knew my name and had even one make a drink and named it after me. I was in a Nursing school so naturally, with all my late night escapades I never made it through. I got scared to go home unsuccessful so I started working on restaurants and bars as a waitress which most didn’t last long as my employers would be lucky to have me for 3 straight days working sober.

My life was a mess and made worse getting pregnant by a complete stranger. I wanted to abort the baby but something kept telling me that I should use it as my turning point to head on to a different path. I asked help from a local doctor who told me to stop drinking before it becomes too late for my baby.

God, believe me it was so hard! I got myself in a rehab facility not necessarily thinking of putting my life together but just wanting somewhere that can get a control of me to get by the months of my bump. What I did not expect is, in my pursuit of protecting the baby; I have started putting my life back together as well. I went out the facility with a new me and a new hope.

The one week I thought I wouldn’t survive being sober on my own has become weeks and months and years.
Now my baby is 2 years old who obviously is my most wonderful gift. Through it all I learned that change isn’t easy, it indeed is so hard. All you need to do is to find that reason to move forward and be better.

By the way, huge hello and appreciation to Dave, Marie and the guys at scottish alcohol rehab abbeycare who literally saved my life. They took me through the start of my journey, and without their help, I would not be here. My eternal thanks.

One Day At A Time…

OneDayAtATimeAlthough I’ve come a long way, understood many of my triggers, resolved many of the beliefs and drivers behind my own patterns….we always notice more.

Sometimes, having done the work, gives us more “antennae” to see more issues…but we must remind ourselves constantly of the progress we have made, and the forgiveness of others. We must remind ourselves also, to forgive ourselves on our own journey through addiction.

Facing up to this, taking responsibility, doing the steps, has taken every ounce, every sinew, every remaining drop of energy for life I’ve had. Some days are easier than others. But always there is fellowship.

When you’re weak against it, recognise the triggers. See the situation you’re in for what it is. Take the “God perspective”. I think this means “x”…but what if it meant “y”? What if God is actually trying to show me something else? What else could this mean? What conclusion have I jumped to….that might not be quite right?

What else could this situation possibly mean, that doesn’t spike my addictive triggers? Is it possible? Is it feasible? Could this situation mean many more things, that don’t trigger me? Do I have it wrong? It’s possible.

Stay strong my friends.


 – Nukka